a little ray of sunshine...with a pocketful of angst.

happy thanksgiving

2010-11-21T12:47:00.000-08:00

me: stacey, do you want to write on my blog?

stacey: no. i'm not a blogger.

apparently, niether am i.

that's pretty much all that's happened since the last time i blogged.

aside from the emotional bootcamp i affectionately refer to as grad school.

As promised...

2010-07-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

hi

2010-07-06T09:48:00.000-07:00

me and my dad.
not sure where, but i think it was my wedding.
the whole day was a bit of blur.
i am one happy lady these days, thats for sure.

more to come later.

closer

2010-05-05T01:54:00.000-07:00

well, next month i will be a wife. NEXT MONTH i will be a WIFE.
oh wait... did i already say that?

oops.

things are coming together nicely.

it has been fun, stressful, emotional, and very time consuming.

im thankful for patient friends,

good examples,

and Stacey.

he is amazing.

delayed reactions and some over emoting

2010-03-20T22:54:00.000-07:00

i am so sad that patrick swayze is no longer with us.

it hit me hard tonight as i was watching dirty dancing.

like for reals. there was a tear and everything.

i also got a little teary-eyed while watching the proposal
(which isn't even meant to be tear-inducing)

i think all the changes in my life are starting to catch up with me.

did i mention that i got into grad school?!

did i mention i am moving to pocatello?

getting a new job?

did i mention i suck at adapting to change.

oh...not to mention the husband who will be involved in all of this.

need to breathe...

i should be sleeping but i cant stop thinking so you get to hear all about it.

2010-03-10T22:43:00.000-08:00

i have an interview for admission to grad school on friday. (so nervous)

the lady that is altering my wedding dress informed me that it would be "really helpful" if i lost some weight (holy psychological damage)

on the plus side, she is great at what she does. and it was a bonding experience for me and my future sister-in-law. hysterical laughter is good for any relationship.

this weekend im headed down to utah to visit center for change. is it weird that i might start crying the second i walk into the doors? this time around maybe i will get a key to the bathroom.

i have mixed emotions about this, particularly since i havent done as well following treatment as i would have hoped/liked/expected....i hope to leave there bursting at the seams with hope.

ok, im tired now. goodnight.

a post about love...

2010-03-07T17:49:00.000-08:00

he laughs at everything i say these days...

i love his facial expressions, they melt me...

he is getting a little chubby, but i think that only makes him cuter...

he drools a lot...

i give him kisses all the time...

his mom gets annoyed with me a lot lately...

isn't he adorable?!?!

i love being an auntie.

and, to be perfectly honest, most of the above statements apply to stacey too...

but he wouldn't let me publically post any pictures of us kissing...
(not a big fan of PDA, our wedding day will be interesting)

and he was especially sensitive about me posting one with me in his baby walker.
(i think he is worried that someone will tell him he's too old for it)

how can i not love them?!

it went a little something like this.

2010-01-29T00:56:00.000-08:00

he did this...then he did this...

then i cried...

(not pictured)

now this...

and an eternity of taking bad pictures together...

is all mine.

the end.

well, actually more like the beginning.

stacey and libby whitehead...coming June 2010

can you tell i'm excited?

married?

2010-01-19T21:06:00.000-08:00

yes.
married.

i...am...getting...married...

cool,huh?

over my shoulder

2009-10-18T16:09:00.000-07:00

did you know?

2009-10-17T04:14:00.000-07:00

that i got to meet this special lady?

she really is the best.

it makes her all bashful whenever you tell her this
(which only proves my point further)

long story short, she came to visit me during my stay at The Center for Change.

and change at the center, I did.

i think about this experience often.

one, because stephanie is now my best friend... (BESIDES YOU BECCA, CALM DOWN)

and two, it was a pivotal point in my recovery.

i wish I could share more, but i feel i couldn't do the experience(or her) any justice.

she inspired me to keep fighting.

so keep fighting i shall.

thank you.

rehab is the new black

2009-08-21T08:27:00.000-07:00

i woke up this morning with some realizations.
my little sister is getting married.
i am happier than i have been in a really long time.
to celebrate, after the wedding I am going to return some stuff to target.

i miss normal life,
but i am totally healing.

its pretty cool.

a guest post mostly about target

2009-06-27T20:44:00.001-07:00

guest blogger becca jones here. don't know who i am? here, i will demonstrate that i am, in fact, friends with the one and only sibby lou.

cute, no?

you see, i have been asked to blog on libby's behalf. let me fill you in on the latest intrigues of libby's life. i believe they mostly revolve around target.

one of my favorite things about libby is our shared, intense passion for target. libby frequents the facility as a refuge in the barrage of life. the makeup, the clothes, the jewelry (oh, the jewelry). how could you not find peace and harmony in such a place?

but here's the great thing about it that she may not admit if she were the one writing this post: libby returns 80 percent of everything she purchases at target. not an exaggeration. a typical phone call with libby will go like this.

me: hey, i think i need a target trip. you interested?

sibs: absolutely. i had a terrible day. i have a shirt i need to return there anyway.

me: again? which one?

sibs: oh, it's just a shirt.

me: is it the same shirt we bought last time we went to target together?

sibs: ... no, i think i bought it after that.

me: didn't you return a shirt last time we went to target?

sibs: yeah, but this is a different one.

me: do you keep anything you buy at target?

sibs: what kind of question is that?

me: one you didn't answer.

sibs: ...

or something like that. so tonight we went to target, but i think libby will actually keep everything we bought for her. electric razor, makeup bag, slippers, bathrobe, headbands, modest unmentionables, etc. i am pretty certain she will be keeping it because they are all things she is going to need for the next four months.

you see, libby will need these items during her upcoming stay at a clinic for her struggles with bulimia (as previously documented in this blog). she checks in on tuesday, and i will miss her greatly. but i am so incredibly proud of her.

so, if you are willing, join me in wishing luck and sending love her way. libby, you are going to be great. and i know that the people working the returns desk at target anxiously await your return.

absent...

2009-04-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

synonyms:

away
empty
gone
lacking
missing
out
astray
elsewhere
ghost
removed

me.
in a nutshell.
help?

the talking meatball was spared

2009-03-25T23:58:00.000-07:00

i feel like lately my blog has been more
pocketful of angst than little ray of sunshine.

probably because of incidents such as this one:

my brother was home from school for a few days
and my mom made crepes for breakfast.
i stopped home to pick something up
and ate half of one on my way out the door.

my brother was greatly displeased by this apparently
because i got home a little bit ago and
the remaining half was smashed into my pillow.

i'm probably going to take a blogging hiatus
until things get a little more sunshiney.

sitting alone in the house house-sitting

2009-03-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

and i stumbled upon this headline...

Katy Perry Puckering Up With Josh Groban?

WHAT THE.... ?! (cough) I mean, whatever makes him happy.

i had a bad day today.
but it had almost nothing to do with this recent finding.

emPOWERed...

2009-03-06T17:13:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a big day for me.
big big big day. let me explain, or at least try.

my eating disorder has lots of random "triggers".
for me, feeling guilty about what i ate is a big one.

well, that's where things were headed yesterday at approx. 5 pm.

feeling panicked i headed to the local walmart to purchase the usual goods.
all the while knowing in the end this would just make me miserable.

i even texted my friend telling her i couldn't go to spinning
because something came up at "work".

i hide behind that excuse a lot. it makes me hate myself.

so, i had my basket full of all my usual weapons of choice.
i even had a spoon on my purse for the ice cream.

i must have walked around the store for half and hour.
i was crying a little, and people kept asking me if i needed help.

here is the cool part...

i put my basket down, got the heck out of that store,
and went to spinning.

never really done that before. hopefully it's the beginning.

today i am freaking out about weighing as much as nicole richie when she was "fat"
but we'll just take this one step at a time.

numb3rs

2009-03-05T15:13:00.000-08:00

my parents cat has left 14 dead mice on the porch in the last 2 days.
i shoveled them up for 20 bucks. (money's tight these days)

i watched the bachelor 1 time this season.
i have regretted watching said episode for 3 days and counting.

i have fallen asleep 2 times this week while trying to paint my fingernails.
this is incredibly apparent on 4 of the nails.

i have heard someone in my office make the "wookie" noise at least 10 times.
he's practicing because that's what his 4 cute kids want to name the dog.

i'm going to take a nap now.

i miss you.
Yes... you!

There,There Amy Winehouse

2009-03-01T21:37:00.000-08:00

if you think about it really hard,
you can realate to almost ANYONE
on some level or another...

thursday the 12th

2009-02-12T20:42:00.000-08:00

i dont think of myself as a very superstitious person
but the anticipation of friday the 13th
always makes thursday the 12th that much scarier.

today i spent almost an hour dictating a plan for work
and i went back to listen to it
and the tape hadn't been working.
i spent an hour talking to myself.
i have seven other plans to do by next week
in addition to all my other normal work...
so i cried a little.

i hate thursday the 12th. it totally freaks me out.

You won't see it coming...

2009-02-08T16:58:00.000-08:00

when i was a little girl
all i wanted to do was wear high heels.
the sound of others heels clicking on the sidewalk
always filled me with such longing.
it made them sound so grown-up.

these days im not the best at walking high heels
(or walking in general for that matter)
but i can walk in little itty bitty heels
and usually i love it.

but today the uneven clicking of my heels
in the foyer at church seemed
overwhelmingly loud
and made me blush with embarassment.

but then i thought to myself...
maybe you just feel extra self-concious
because someone had to give you an enima this weekend
and you feel a bit over exposed.

yep, thats gotta be it...

It's coming...

2009-02-05T18:31:00.000-08:00

one day my mom (or possibly my dad) is going to attempt to have
a seemingly harmless conversation with me.
i think if we don't start to communicate better,
it will turn out like this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXUWOHznHao

i probably won't be wearing a bikini
and instead of laying by a swimming pool
it will be a tub full of ice cream....

oh, and i might be a better actress (partly because it wouldn't be acting)

but you get the idea.

today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

2009-02-02T21:04:00.000-08:00

try that one on for size.

today was better.
i ate breakfast with my clothes on,
and even picked my outfit on the first try.
always a good sign.

i showed my counselor the scars on my leg from when i got bit by a dog,
and apologized for their winter fur coat.
she said she didn't notice that,
but that my legs were really white.
maybe you had to be there,
but it was really funny.
we had a good laugh. therapeutic, indeed.

i rode 24 miles in my spinning class today.
i pretty much rock.
there's a guy in my class whose eyes crinkle when he laughs.
his teeth are so white they glow in the black lights.
i haven't really noticed anybody else's teeth who glow like that in class.
he's adorable in a kind of nerdy way.
we have a mutual adoration for peanut butter and pop tarts.
he entertains me.

it was definitely a better day.
one might even say a good day.

Not exactly the morning I had planned...

2009-02-01T08:34:00.000-08:00

i have nine o'clock church.

this early church business hasn't been going very well for me this past month.
so last night, i got my tithing envelope ready, picked out my outfit, and showered before bed.
i had grand dreams of bearing my testimony in sacrament meeting for the first time ever.

i felt like a freakin' superhero.

i woke up at about 8:30. not ideal, but i still thought i could make it work.
did my hair and make up super fast. from here on out, you could say thing sorta went downhill.
i put on the outfit i had picked out and didn't feel comfortable, so i chose another.
unfortunately the five hundred outfits that followed all felt equally...wrong.
then i couldn't find my car keys, so i was stranded.

so, i did what any girl would do. well, any crazy bulimic girl, that is.

I went downstairs and ate three bowls of cereal in my underwear.

so little time, so many bad decisions...ugh.

Naked as a Jay bird

2009-01-28T15:00:00.000-08:00

i dont really know what this means,
but i like when people use this particular expression.
why are Jay's considered more naked than any other bird?
is a Jay bird a real thing?
please forgive my limited bird knowledge/ignorance.
i was going to look this exact phrase up on the internet,
but then i thought of all the potentially innapropriate results
and i changed my mind.

awkward and thankful

2009-01-25T13:52:00.000-08:00

i've always wanted to be one of those people who look perfect from the outside.
who can hide their problems with a smile,
who seem to have everything.

until today.

i know its not possible for anyone on this earth to be perfect,
to have no problems,
or have everything in life that they want.

not being honest about my problem has forced me to deal with it alone.
with that has come a great deal of shame and isolation from other people.

i don't expect that a lot of people read my blog.
i must say, i am definitely okay with that.
(i'm shy even through this form of expression/communication...whatever you call it)

today in church i saw a woman in my ward who occasionally reads my blog.
after my unusual candor in my last post i felt slightly/extremely uncomfortable seeing her today.
long story short, she read it.

when she asked me if there was anything she could do,
i said when she sees me, she can hug me for a really long time.
she did. and i cried a little.
it felt really... honest.

this new relationship i have with you my dear, wonderful, friends is already so helpful.

i feel...

awkward, embarrassed, ashamed, thankful, loved, humbled, and already much stronger.

i'm so glad i am able to communicate with my friends this way,
especially since i don't get to see many of you often.
those of you i do see, can just read my blog.
then our face to face conversations can be used for funny stories,
or important celebrity gossip...

don't get me wrong my blog will still be funny/Libby...
but i'm going to also use it to reach out when i need you.

this will give me some accountability for my actions
i don't want to disappoint any of you.
and i certainly don't want to disappoint myself.

thanks...

The thing about a full heart is...

2009-01-22T17:59:00.000-08:00

i think it is contagious.

after reading Nie's blog, my heart was incredibly full.
although Nie's trials and my own are quite different...

(and let's face it, she's a lot braver than me)

i totally get how she feels. i'm thankful for her example. i am humbled by
her experience and the way she looks for the positve aspects in everything,
particularly when it may not seem possible...

i feel oddly compelled to be brutally honest on my blog tonight.
it's possible i may regret this when the morning comes.

most of you probably know by now that I have struggled with an eating disorder.
if you didn't.... surprise?! ( i didn't say it was a good surprise)

things have been pretty intense lately.
i know there are a lot more tears to come, there will be setbacks,
and there's bound to be days when i totally want to give up.

but...

lucky for me, when i am ready to give up
there always seems to be somebody out there who isn't ready to give up on me.
it hasn't always been the people I would have expected
but i know they are an answer to every prayer i have said as of late.

so, im twenty five, live with my parents, and the only guy that calls me on the weekends is my bishop to make sure i'm doing okay...

and i am so glad.

1-3-38

2009-01-11T20:27:00.000-08:00

this just might be my seventh grade locker combination.

or it could be the number of seizures i had in 2008,

the number of nervous breakdowns i have had in 2009,

and the remaining number of human beings on the planet earth that haven't seen me cry.

maybe it's all of those things.

maybe it's none of them ,

but i sure as hell love flight of the conchords...

Merry Christmas?

2008-12-27T16:36:00.000-08:00

every year i try to get my mom a present that she will like.

every year on christmas, she pretends to like what i give her,

then mysteriously i never see that object again

this year i wanted to get her a present that she would love enough for the makings of a tear to form in her eye...

welp, i did it folks. i did it. i did it.

even my dad cried a little, but that's no surprise

he's become quite the softy in his old age.

what's that? you want to know what i gave her?

well, we haven't taken a family photo since the days of yore...

i got all my hermanas y hermanos together. and we took another one.

for the first time in about twenty years...

twenty years, people... TWENTY YEARS

Merry (late) Christmas to you all. Love, Libby

just because it needs to be said...

2008-12-12T10:25:00.000-08:00

SHARA LEE SHEPHERD PACK... I cannot believe you are gong to have TWO children and I haven't met either one :( I miss you SO MUCH. I've been thinking about you lots lately. You look beautiful as ever. Tell Shane hi from me. Also tell the babies hi from their Auntie Libby. We need to talk soon, or see each other, or something...

Epiphany

2008-12-10T17:38:00.000-08:00

earlier this week i had the priviledge of taking my favorite client to lunch. we'll call her...umm...mephanie...

i like her. She is brutally honest, a little bossy, and she is just a take-charge kind of woman. i more than like her...i love her. let me just recap a little conversation she and i had together...

libby: mephanie, do you like my fingernails? (uncharicateristically, i had painted them black)

mephanie: yeah...they look nice.

libby: do you think your sister-in-law would ever paint her nails this color?

mephanie: (long pause) libby... you need to do what makes YOU happy...

mentally she may be much younger than me, but she is so much wiser. she's pretty much the coolest person that i know.

Dr. McNerdy, PTSD, and some pending dissapointment...

2008-12-02T11:05:00.000-08:00

don't worry I'm going to be fine.

my doctor's visit was very reassuring today. my doctor is so endearingly nerdy. i'm so focused on that, i don't have time to get all worked up and anxious during our visits. what a blessing.

apparently, I have post-traumatic-stress from the accident/seizure...hence the nightmares, lack of sociability, and overall inability to focus on anything that requires brainpower.
did you know they have medicine to prevent nightmares? my doctor gave me some. he says maybe if i sleep better, it will help me "get back to my old self". some of you will be ectsatic to hear that.

it's going to snow soon. i can feel it. i know it's really selfish to wish everyday that it wouldn't because it would be a hardship for many(farmers, skiers...snowmen), but i just can't help it. forgive me.

on the bright side... last night i had a dream that i got hair extensions and they fell out and the ends of my hair turned blue. then i slipped and cracked my teeth on a sink covered in hair. i'm ever so glad it wasn't real.

Paging Dr. House...

2008-11-15T18:05:00.000-08:00

i really really really REALLY want to know what's wrong with me. that is all for now.

Cheers!

2008-11-13T16:37:00.000-08:00

my car is back
cute haircut
fall clothes
new love
crispy beef
great bosses
funny coworkers
lunches with boo
the office

life is good. life...is...good...

I need to purge...

2008-11-06T12:15:00.000-08:00

There's a lot going on in my world these days. Here's the rundown...

I'm legally allowed to get behind the wheel as of yesterday. (apparently they don't like people driving who can spontaneously lose consciousness)

I broke a window at my office trying to scare a coworker (it worked). That brings the total estimated property damage I have inflicted i the past 2 weeks to about 600 dollars ( this is including the tree I hit).

Speaking of the tree, I made restitution with the strange old lady whom it belonged to. She kept talking about her "poor little tree". It made me want to run over it a second time.

I am wearing skinny jeans today, and they look pretty good. Never thought I'd be able to say that.

I wake up every morning at 3:45 and I can't go back to sleep. Also, I have really scary realistic dreams. They may be contributing to my bizarre wake-up time.

Today was my last day with my personal trainer. It's going to be a big adjustment. Since I'm a big girl, I only cried a little.

This weekend I'm headed to B-town with Booface McJones and we are going to go crazy at Anthropologie. I am positively giddy.

One of my client's gave me a sack full of apples from her apple tree. They are tasty.

My car stopped working, for no apparent reason.

I wore a different scarf everyday this week so far. It makes up for the fact I can't wear flip-flops.

I lost my Hush Sound t-shirt. I have looked everywhere. My heart hurts.

That is all for now. The good, bad, and the ugly. If someone finds my t-shirt there will be a substantial reward for it's safe return.

peace out

Taking a cue from Becca boo...

2008-11-02T14:01:00.000-08:00

Last Monday I had a seizure while driving, and ran into a tree.
A small tree mind you, but it was terrifying all the same.
I was completely out of control of the situation, but knew what was happening at the same time. Alas, if I would take care of myself properly events involving ambulances, fire trucks, and policemen would be less likely to occur in my life. I am so lucky, and the people driving around me are so lucky, that it wasn't much worse. So today I love my body (gimpy leg included) and I'm going to take care of it so I can do the things I need to do. Thank you friends for your patience.

This is not a picture of the actual event. I just hate posting without a picture. My car actually had minimal damage. Again, lucky me.

Pick-up for Gladys...

2008-10-16T19:57:00.000-07:00

I do a lot of random things at my job. Today I picked up some dentures for my boss' clent. Her name was Gladys. I like to think of her looking like this, thanking me. It made the task far less disgusting. It kinda freaked me out to be carrying someones smile in a little plastic bag filled with water....

Breaking News: I love my family

2008-10-12T20:37:00.001-07:00

Well, I guess it's not a new thing, but over the past few months my love for these individuals has grown exponentially. They each have each have unique qualities that I love and that endear them to me so much. You wanna here what they are? Good... because I am going to tell you anyway.

Ahem...

So, I guess we will start with my brother, ANDY. He is the handsome gentleman with his arm around me in the picture. Today he asked me what I do for a living (which was funny because I've had my job for almost 3 years). I described my job to him and then asked him why he wanted to know this was his reply: "because when I talk to guys about you up at school that I think would like you, I want to be able to tell them what you do when they ask". It made me smile. I love that my brother wants me to be happy and that he is a constant reminder that there are genuinely good men out there in the world. I love that today when I wasn't having the best day. He told me a funny story about eating 24 slices of pizza in one day (how can I NOT be proud of a brother capable of such a feat?!)

Next to him in the family photo, we have my MOM. I love how willing she is to laugh, and how fun it can be to make her laugh. I also love that she keeps the house stocked with bananas and green apples because she knows they are my favorite. Then, there is my DAD. Early this morning (and I really do mean early) he woke up and drove me and my friend to the airport because I was scared to drive on the snowy roads. As I stood outside watching him scrape the icy windshield with his hair standing up around his bald spot and his eyes looking rather sleepy, I realized that this man would probably do anything for me if he could. I loved him so much this morning I didn't even mind spending four bucks on bagels because he couldn't find his wallet. Then we have BEN. He is one of my favorite people to go clothes shopping with. He is probably the only person who doesn't complain about how long I take because he takes just as long, if not longer. I love that he gives me workout tips and advice on "performance apparel", although I am still not entirely sure what that is. I also love our weekly conversations about The Office and the good laughs we share. My dear, sweet, beautiful, sister MEGAN. When we get together I laugh so much. I love that we are alike in many ways and that she shares my affection for the elderly. I love it when she will pretend to limp next to me so I don't feel uncomfortable. It made me laugh so hard the other day I snorted in the movie theater rather loudly. I love when we go to Chili's and get the chocolate chip brownie and happily, (almost) guiltlessly chow down.

Then finally my sister, AMY. I love how passionate she is about things that she cares about. She is so very talented and can do things that I can only dream of ( sew, cook yummy food, decorate cakes...) . I love how much she loves her hubby DAVID. I am happy to have him as a brother also and hope I can find a husband who treats me as well as he treats her.

Wax on...Wax off...

2008-08-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

six things you didn't know about me...

1. I washed my car for the first time since May of 2006. I know, right? Wow! I feel like I just got a new car or something. I've been referring to it as a "she" now instead of a "he". I guess I just think boys are dirty...

2. I bruise like a peach. Sometimes I even have bruises from people just grabbing my arm or leg. My legs look like some sort of animal print, or a map, or some other thing with lots of different colored spots.

3. I'm a creature of habit/control freak. I really like to park in the same spots, use the same gas pump, etc. Changes in routine, or a lack of planning make me a little frazzled.

4. I wanted to be famous for a really long time. Unfortunately, I have no marketable skills. My dream career would be to be one of the hosts on What Not to Wear. Or Josh Groban's tailor...

5. My favorite color isn't green, but everything I have seems to be green. My room is green, my phone is green, my ipod, my new running shoes have green on them. Maybe it is my favorite color, and I just don't know it yet.

6. I'm slowly but surely becoming a hermit. Pretty soon the cyber world will be my only link to the outside...

I tag whoever would like to do this....

Speechless...

2008-07-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

The Hush Sound concert was so amazing, I don't even know what to say. I loved them before, but now it has become so much more than that. My five hour ride on the shuttle bus was a small price to pay.Since I am without the words to do it any justice, I'll just post the pictures and hope for the best. Also... I don't know if it was the magic of the Hush Sound or seeing my Seasonlicious, but I feel really good about my life today. I'm really glad about that because it's been far too long since I have associated any sort of positive feelings with the direction my life has been going in. I think I should also note that I saw my dear friend Becca just prior to my trip, and that certainly had some restorative affects on my fragile soul. Mama Mia! didn't affect me so positively, but that is another issue entirely...

THE HUSH SOUND....

My fellow Hush Sound devotee and dear friend, Season. It was really hot in there, so please excuse our disheveled appearance...

This is probably the first and only guy named "Bob" I will ever be attracted to (no offense to any Bobs out there who may be reading this).

Wait for it....

We got t-shirts!!!

and these are pictures I love, but can't possibly explain to the outside world...

These two in particular...

Well, that pretty much sums it up... In closing, I would just like to wish Season a Happy Birthday and give a shout out to my new friend Tom Thomas. You guys are quite the duo.

Hmmm....

2008-07-28T08:30:00.000-07:00

So... It's finally the day of The Hush Sound concert. Am I excited? Yep. I'm pretty sure when it's over I will never be the same again. But, sadly, that is not what is occupying my thoughts at this moment. I am currently killing some time while my friend is at work and waiting for the workout room to open. I brought some work with me that I could do, but of course I am blogging instead. I think it's important that I publicly address how bitter I have become as of late. So, I'm sure most of you have heard that sickeningly upbeat love song by Michael Buble' entitled "Everything". Last summer it pretty much took over the world. Since I heard it so often back then, I can't help but think of Stacey EVERYTIME I hear that song. That used to be something I liked, but now that things are not going very well between us, it makes my heart hurt. I swear every store I go into that song comes on, so lets just say my heart hurts a lot lately. Anyway... the other day they played that song on the radio and then the DJ went rambling on about how he wrote that song about his girlfriend and that they broke up this past weekend or something. Is it bad that when I heard this it made me really happy?! I think it made me feel better than anything anybody else has said to me. He loved her enough to write all those cute things about her, and even they couldn't make it work. It's a weird feeling to know that you love someone so much, but that isn't going to be enough to make things work. That's life, I guess. Hopefully my post concert writings will be a tad more pleasant...

As I sit here waiting for my Michael Bolton song to download...

2008-07-12T14:21:00.001-07:00

I can't help but wonder how I got to this point. Just to clarify, by "this point" I mean Michael Bolton, not suicide or anything like that. Nothing against the guy, but this is not my typical choice of tuneage. This has seriously been the most stressful two weeks of my entire life. My personal and professional life are totally crazy right now and I'm pretty sure I'm losing my mind. BUT.... in approximately 2 weeks I get to go see my favorite band in concert with one of my favorite people in the world... It is my hope that with a little dose of The Hush Sound and the Season, I'll be back to my old self in no time. Until then, I'll just be listening to Mikey. I know, you're all jealous.

Rainy days and Mondays

2008-06-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I got to go play with Bitty, Boo and Jonesy in Utah. While we were there Death Cab for Cutie came to hang out with us, too. Tegan and Sara even stopped by. More importantly, I spent some quality time with Becca's dear Aunt Missy. I can't speak for everyone, but I certainly had a great time. Even though I couldn't feel my toes for a few hours. I love my little friendsies and miss them so much already. I also miss playing Rockband, since I am so good at it and all. Until our next adeventure...

I don't necessarily like animals, but...

2008-05-21T14:06:00.000-07:00

Today I hit a squirrel. Well, I should say ANOTHER squirrel. This is my 3rd in 2008. I' m starting to feel guilty. I hope I don't hit anymore.

Noun
1.
serial killer - someone who murders more than three victims one at a time in a relatively short interval
spree killer - a serial killer whose murders occur within a brief period of time

Family bonding time

2008-04-26T21:59:00.000-07:00

So, today I paid a visit to my dear grandmother. I wanted to get a picture of us together, but the second I pulled out the camera she started fake crying, and covering her face. She didn't want a picture of her taken while she was in her "jammies" So naturally, to ease her mind I started to massage her head with that weird metal thingy and she started to purr like a cat. I was laughing really hard and I turned to look at my sister and she snapped a picture. My grandma was not pleased, but I couldn't love this picture of her more. If she ever finds out I put this on here, I think she'd murder me. Good thing she'll never know. Just in case, I LOVE YOU GRANDMA!

Do I smell bacon?

2008-04-20T18:04:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I have posted on here. Much has happened, so I will just list some of the highlights of my life for the past month and a half. Here they are in no particular order...

1. Until very rcently, I was an avid hater of all pork products. I don't eat meat very often to begin with, but my freshman year in college we had a discussion about tapeworms and how they are most common in pork products. My teacher even brought in a tapeworm and a pig lung. It was revolting. Since then minimal amounts of pig have passed through my lips. Well, that is, until I woke up one morning, to the smell of bacon. That isn't something that has happened very much in my life growing up. Looking back, that was probably a good thing since it has such an intoxicating affect on me. My brother finds my new found love for bacon especially amusing. He likes to knock on my door and when I open it he will be standing there with a plate of sizzling bacon. It's delicious. Let me clarify, that while that first day I may have had several pieces, since the novelty has worn off I have more self control and consume it sparingly-ish.

2. Last weekend I had the opportunity to visit Bitty. I was happy to see her. If I may say her apartment, though little, is darling. This is the only image of us that I was able to capture from the event...

3. Every Sunday at the beginning of class I let my primary kids the kids talk about something exciting that happened in their week. Today a boy in my class told me that the most exciting part of his week was seeing me at the mall on Saturday. It was really cute. Today, he TOTALLY gets to be my favorite.

4. I got to hang out with the Woffindens. Even better, we went to Sizzler. I haven't been there since I was a kid. I appreciated the Joneses for letting me tag along. It was such an enjoyable afternoon. You have no idea how much I wish I had a picture of this affair.

5. And finally, speaking of bacon, my lovely friend Season came this weekend for a long anticipated visit. The weekend was full of laughter, great music, good food (yes, that's where the bacon comes in), and, of course, shopping. We even ALMOST went bowling... what a weekend. Her visit has left me happy and content and I look forward to future adventures we will have together.

(check out my high-waisted skirt... Don't I look so fashion forward?!)

Well, that's it for now. I'm sure the coming weeks will prove to be equally exciting. Peace out.

I'm it...

2008-03-16T17:30:00.000-07:00

What were you doing ten years ago?

I was 14. When things didn't work out with my long-term crush (Becca, you know who this is...) , I sorta went of the deep end and started shopping at D.I. This is what my mom calls my "penis pant" stage (sorry to anyone who finds that offensive) where I bought all my clothes in thrift stores. All my pants had a little extra room in the crotch area because I only bought men's sizes. I listened to the Nirvana MTV Unplugged album pretty much non-stop. Let's just say I had a lot of angst as a young teen. Oh, and I was in the band. I played the flute. That year I had to audition for concert band. I was so nervous during my audition that even my eyeballs were shaking and I could barely read the music. I think I only got in because my teacher found my fear endearing.

What were you doing five years ago?

I remember I got a perm the summer before school started. It was cute at first, but then a chunk of my hair fell out and I had a piece of hair that always stuck out in the back like Alfalfa's on The Little Rascals. My roommates got some good laughs, because when I woke up in the morning my hair would look all sorts of crazy. I was in my second year of college. That was when I thought I wanted to major in accounting (what a laugh!). I was roommates with a gal named Shara Lee Shepherd and my life changed after that. She's one of my best friends for life. We pretty much did everything together and really none of the things we did involved studying, unfortunately. They did involve make-overs , orange juice, and a lot of laughter, though.

Five things on my to-do list today:
1. catch-up on my correspondence
2. repaint my fingernails
3. drink another half gallon of water
4. That's pretty much it, tomorrow is when the craziness will begin
5.

What snacks I enjoy:
I love cheese, apples with peanut butter, almonds, Wheat Thins, Starbursts, oranges, and I could pretty much eat Cracklin' Oat Bran anytime anywhere. I'm pretty much obsessed with it.

What would I do if I suddenly became a billionaire?
What everyone else would do.

Three bad habits?
1 I bite my finger nails.
2 I swear sometimes. Never really been able to kick the habit.
3 Limping, Just kidding...probably the third one should be that I am too self-deprecating.

Five places I've lived:
1. Bremerton,WA
2. San Fransisco, CA
3. Dunoon, Scotland
4. Rexburg, ID
5. Idaho Falls, ID

Five jobs I've had:
1. KFC
2. Lincoln Court Retirement Center
3. Parkwood Meadows Assisted Living
4. Tutor in the Reading Center at BYUI
5. Service Coordinator at Innovative Health Care

Five things you don't know about me:
1. I always have to sleep with my right foot hanging off the bed, a weird habit I picked up from having a cast on for a really long time.
2. Sometimes when I eat an apple, I eat the core too.
3. Mondays are my favorite day of the week.
4. I listen to Celine Dion sometimes, and like it. That's what my mom listened to when I was a kid, so I guess it just rubbed off.
5. I'm a pretty good at shooting baskets (as in basketball). I'm usually too embarrassed to play in front of anyone though.

I tag...
Shara and Lindsay

Mother Nature: 1,712 Libby: 0

2008-03-13T19:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I wore flip flops (perhaps a teensy bit prematurely) , and today it snowed. I think I got too comfortable, and mother nature delivered her sucker punch. You can never turn your back on her, because she'll get you when you least expect it. Anyway...the other day I had an appointment with my boss. We have never really had a lot of opportunities to get to know one another in the two years I have worked for her, so I expected that perhaps there may be some awkward silences or perhaps we would discuss my caseload. What I did not expect, was that she would be so curious about my personal life. My responses to her questions were somewhat stilted and uncomfortable. Long story short, I think she got the impression that I did not have any friends. She even attempted to "comfort" me my telling me that alot of people at the office would consider me a friend. I think we had some miscommunication along the line somewhere. Today the purpose of my post, although the title may be somewhat misleading and non-sensical, is to let my friends know how much I love you, and to remind my self that you are, in fact, my friends. I recently recieved some very exciting news that three of my bestest friends in the world will be moving home for the summer, and I couldn't be more pleased. I'm looking forward to the many late-night career-exploration talks and "counseling"sessions we are bound to have. I'm grateful for my friends who let me crash on their beautiful blue couch and express a shared exuberance about shopping at Sephora. I'm grateful to have friends that I can talk to about all the dorky little things I get excited about, and they get excited too, even if it's just about a letter . I'm grateful for friends who send me random text messages that make me laugh on days when laughing might be the last thing on my mind. I love you all so much and I am so lucky and blessed to have you in my life. I probably don't say it enough, so if it' s news to you that I love you, I am sorry. I truly do have the best friends anyone could ask for. Some examples...

( If you are not pictured, it doesn't mean I don't love you, I just don't have recent pictures.)

The hills are alive with the sound of music...

2008-02-26T19:34:00.000-08:00

*names have been changed to protect the innocent

This weekend I happened to run into a guy that I used to date. I use the term "date" very loosely because it was a very brief interlude lasting just over a month. We did not have the most friendly parting of the ways, and I couldn't help but reflect on the shocking EMAIL(yes, email) that ended it all. Before I get into the dirty details, let me just say that I am not sharing this experience to make this guy, we'll call him Valdermort*, look or feel like a bad person. I am sure when he dates someone he is compatible with it will be magical and he will treat her wonderfully. Anyway... the email not so kindly informed me that he felt that we did not have much in common and that I should date a guy with "queer hair" who likes to "watch musicals". I would explain in further detail what happened, but it wouldn't make much more sense than it does taken completely out of context. I couldn't help but think back to that particular time and think how much I have changed since then. Well, maybe it is actually that I know myself better and that's what has changed. I couldn't help but think of the guy that I most recently have dated. We'll call him Stacey. As it happens, Stacey has hair. Since Valdermort* had a shaved head when we dated, I can only assume that he finds all hair "queer". As it also happens, Stacey loves to sporadically burst into song with great enthusiasm AND "watch musicals" occasionally. He also has other more masculine interests, but they are irrelevant at this time. He makes me smile more than any person alive and he is my best friend. So, I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I am grateful to Valdermort* for graciously providing insight into what qualities I should be looking for in a man. Perhaps he did not mean to hurt my feelings as I originally thought. Maybe he just knew me better than I knew myself.

And so it begins...

2008-02-06T09:40:00.001-08:00

I fear that waiting so long to put a post on my blog has created stirrings of excitement that are undeserved. I know that millions of you out there have awaited this moment with great anticipation. Well, here it is...